


After The Fall

by Ardwynna



Series: Marriageverse [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-17 20:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2322560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardwynna/pseuds/Ardwynna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sephiroth and Aeris suffer a loss deep enough to threaten everything that lies between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

On an autumn afternoon when the sun had cooled, and the leaves were still wearing shades of mostly summer, a small group gathered on top a green hill to say goodbye. There were no words. There was no song.

Sephiroth wore black, as he always did. Today his wife and daughter wore it too. He stared at them, Aeris with her head up, proud, strong, rigid with rage, and Ella holding her mother’s hand, staring dry-eyed into the pit at their feet. Sephiroth could not bear to look for himself. It was easier to look at Ella. He had no idea how she was coping, if she was, if she even understood. He had not seen her for days, not since Aeris had thrown him out, screaming through her tears, threatening to rip his heart out.

She was welcome to it, if she could stand to put her hands around that icy stone. She was nearly the only one who had ever believed it was there and she could have it, if it made her feel one whit better, if watching him bleed and die beneath her hands would in any way ease her pain.

The box had reached the bottom some time ago. A wreath of white lilies lay in stark contrast to the nearly blood red wood beneath. Cherry, for someone who loved them. Had loved them. The cold rock Sephiroth called a heart sank lower inside him, pulling him towards the pit. If he believed for one second that the Planet would trade, he would have jumped in and offered himself up. He had half a mind to do it anyway, but Gaia had spit him back out often enough for him to know it would do no good.

The first lump of earth hit the lid with a thud, and Sephiroth flinched in a way he never had on the field. His eyes burned but tears would not fall. The sun sank lower, taking its meager heat with it. Sephiroth felt numb to the core. Damp earth piled in until the box was hidden from view, forever and ever, world without end, and even Aeris’s anger could not touch him now. He watched himself watching Aeris as she guided Ella to stick the little marker in the ground. Just a tin plate for now, with a name and a pair of dates too close together. He would get something better later, something permanent to mark the temporary.

He was vaguely aware of the others now that the casket did not fill his whole view. Cloud’s healthy brood, old enough to understand in a way Ella couldn’t yet, stood somber behind their mother in neat black that did not suit them, single white roses in their hands. And Lockhart, Lockhart, who never turned her back on him, who sometimes looked like she would be the one to rip his heart out if she could ever believe he had one, Lockhart was crying. Her face was wet with all the tears Aeris wouldn’t shed and that he himself couldn’t. Sephiroth looked away.

They had all come, all of Aeris’s friends. Of course they would. They were reliable, loyal. They would stand by her, be there for her whatever happened. She would be fine, eventually, or at least better off than he could ever be again. His eyes drifted over to Highwind, lighting up like he only did for really special occasions nowadays. Barret and Reeve stood beside him, arms folded in respectful silence. Even Vincent was there, though he hung back, trying to stay out of sight. Yuffie had come in all her imperial gravidity, husband in tow to hold their first two out of the way. Ryuusei was almost Ella’s age and they played well together, but not the way she had played with…

Sephiroth looked up at the sky, pretending to check for rain. When he looked back down, Aeris was already leading the procession away. He watched the straight proud line of her back as she moved. She would not bend, would not be bowed, not by this or anything else. Ella turned once and cast a backward glance at him, curious, but her mother pulled her onward. There was nothing left for Sephiroth to do but find the closest cliff and throw himself off it.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned his head and found Cloud beside him, staring at the fresh grave, with its tin plate marker and scattering of white roses that had not come from Aeris’s gardens. Cloud said nothing. He did not have to. They stood, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the mounded dirt in the way of silent men, and understood each other completely.


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost midnight and Sephiroth could not sleep no matter how hard he tried, so he lay on the couch in his office and contemplated the nature of hell. This had to be it. Maybe Gaia would take him for good now. If this was the lesson She had wanted him to learn, he was learning it.

Although, it really should have hurt more, he thought. It hadn’t. A cold wave had washed over him when the news first broke and he had not come up for air since. He had gone through the motions since then, swimming in icy water, making the necessary phone calls and arrangements, hearing his own voice, too measured and steady for even him to believe.

No wonder Aeris was mad. He kept seeing her face, furrowed with pain, hearing the way she screamed at him. _You should have been here._

Yes. He should have. Not that it would have done any good. His blood was the taint, not the cure. But he should have been there and he hadn’t and Aeris had beat her fists against his chest and clawed three lines into his cheek before Tifa pulled her away. The time he spent at the hospital bedside contemplating the small, shrouded form had been just enough time for Aeris to empty his closet onto the yard and put barrier spells up on all the doors.

He stared up at the ceiling, tracing the wood grain with tired eyes, waiting for the heaviness in his chest to drag him through the floor, through the dirt, to the only place he could ever really belong. He had fulfilled his duty to the planet. It was time to move on.

The knock on the door did not startle him, exactly. Everything came at him through a dense fog now, slowed too much for instant impact. He rose with effort to answer the door. “Aeris?” He stood blinking into the light in the doorway.

“Who else?” She pushed past him, Ella tagging close behind her. Sephiroth stood with one hand on the doorknob, wondering who else indeed.

“It’s late,” he said, voice rough, though not from sleep.

“Yes, it is.” Aeris did not exactly snap, but there was that edge there that he had not heard in such a long time. Always, always, he supposed, a part of her would be at least a little bit angry. She held it in reserve for particularly trying times. This was undoubtedly one of them. Aeris stopped in the middle of the floor and looked around at the modest wreckage of the room.

Sephiroth’s suit jacket lay crumpled over the high back of his executive chair. There was paperwork undone and slightly scattered. Photos were knocked over. A half-done cup of tea sat on the coffee table, cooling long enough that some had evaporated, leaving a dark ring on bone china. Sephiroth shut the door, fumbling with the doorknob. “I would have tidied up if I had known you were coming.”

“I’ve seen worse,” Aeris said and looked down at Ella. “Go tell your father goodnight.”

Permission granted, Ella ran towards her father and grabbed hold of his knee. Sephiroth wobbled a bit from the impact, reaching down to brush his little girl’s hair, and steady himself too. He did not trust himself to reach out and brush her mind, not with the state his own thoughts were in, but he could sense no turmoil on the surface. Poor thing. So small. She didn’t understand. He looked up at Aeris, aware that he looked no better than his office at the moment.

Aeris shrugged. “She wouldn’t sleep,” she said, turning away. She still wore her funereal black, sharp lines of a well-tailored suit drawing his eye down to her legs, to the heels that had clicked their angry beat across his floor. Sephiroth’s own bare toes curled against the tile.

Rather than say anything, he bent down to scoop Ella up. “Is my little girl giving her mom trouble?” he asked, amazed at the playfulness in his own voice. Ella gripped his neck as he walked past Aeris. “Do you want a story? Hot chocolate?” Ella shook her head and turned in his arms, looking for his chair. “You want a ride?” She nodded.

Sephiroth deposited Ella in his desk chair and spun it around a few times for her, making rocket sounds until she giggled and settled down on one side of it, setting her cheek on the arm rest, sleepy eyes looking out the large window. Sephiroth’s own cheeks hurt with the recent overuse. He tried not to look at Aeris when he stood. “She’s being quiet,” he said, coming over to clear his congealing tea.

Aeris nodded, distracted. “She hasn’t said much these past few days.”

The teacup clattered on its saucer as Sephiroth moved. “Do you think she should… see somebody?”

Aeris perched on the very edge of Sephiroth’s couch, balanced as delicately as a bird on a wire. She closed her eyes. “It’s still early. Give her time.”

Sephiroth nodded to himself and went to toss the cup in the sink. “Can I get you anything?”

Aeris rolled her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself. “Hard liquor?”

Sephiroth kicked open the mini bar, well stocked with ‘diplomatic gifts’ and ‘entertaining essentials’. Aeris shook her head. “I was kidding. Mostly.”

Sephiroth shrugged. “You can have it if you want it,” he said. “You know I only keep it for other people anyway.” Although losing himself in a gin-soaked fugue didn’t seem like a bad idea at the moment. It would help him sleep if nothing else. He grabbed two glasses and a random bottle, knowing it was a bad idea and not giving a shit.

Two shots apiece later and Aeris had lost her rigid posture. The fire in her eyes was still there, properly banked for the night. It could have gone either way, Sephiroth mused, lying back on the couch, one leg behind his wife and the other bent at the knee, planted on the floor. She could have lost the restraint she had been using all day and ripped into him again. And he would have let her. He would have let her use her nails, her teeth, her materia, anything she had a mind to if it could make him feel something beside this gaping emptiness and the seeping cold that spread down to his fingertips. Even the fanciful vodka hadn’t helped with that. He put an arm across his eyes to block out the light and waited for the dark to take him.

It might have been the liquor. It might have been grief. It might have even been her anger. That had been all they’d had between them once. When he felt her fingers fumbling at his shirt he made no move to stop her. He opened his eyes when he felt her tugging at his pants. Laid low by vodka and mourning, he made no move to help her, or stop her. He watched. It came through the fog in his mind that she was muttering at him, calling him a bastard, an asshole. He agreed.

She lost her jacket at some point, and if his mind was slow to respond, his body was not. His eyes were drawn to the slow fall of her hair, working loose from its neat coil. His hands found their way to her hips, pushing her skirt up out of the way. It almost, almost hurt, the way she gripped him with her thighs.

He spared a thought how strange it was, how wrong, for them to be doing this right now, when the loss was so fresh, when she was so angry, when Ella was right there in the room with them, thankfully facing away and hopefully asleep by now. Then he lost himself to the fact that this could be the last time for them, that he would never feel her warm heat around him like this, that when it was over she would take Ella and go.

That was exactly what she did.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Sephiroth said, pen hovering over the latest proposal for new combat gear. “Does your delivery need a signature?”

Cloud shook his head. “I just thought I’d drop by.”

Sephiroth barely glanced up from his papers. “I promise I’m not about to have another psychotic breakdown,” he rattled off. “I’m not going to set the base on fire and I won’t try to take over the world.”

Cloud frowned. “That’s not why I came.” He glanced around the office, taking in the signs of life. “You’re sleeping here?”

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. “I have a toothbrush here and the couch is big.”

Cloud perched himself on the coffee table, not wanting to disturb the man’s bed. Sephiroth, for his part, went back to reading his endless stack of reports. From the look on his face, Cloud guessed that the couch wasn’t actually all that comfortable.

“Are you eating?” Cloud asked suddenly.

Sephiroth looked up, confused. “What kind of a question is that?”

Cloud shrugged. “Just wondering.” Wondering how come Sephiroth’s clothes no longer fit the way they usually did. “Cafeteria food isn’t home cooking, after all.”

Sephiroth grunted. “I don’t have much say in the matter.”

Cloud looked at him then, hunched over his desk, cast in the shadow of his high, padded chair. “She can’t stay mad forever,” he said.

Sephiroth scoffed. “She’s a woman, Cloud.” He set his pen down and stared at the couch.

“Come on,” Cloud said, “She’s forgiven so much else from you. This one wasn’t even your fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Not deliberately.”

“Hm.”

Cloud shook his head. “There wasn’t anything you could have done anyway.”

“I should have been there,” Sephiroth said, rising. “I didn’t think it mattered if I took time to wrap up that last tactical assessment. I didn’t think it was serious.” He turned to the window. “I didn’t think a child of mine could get so sick.” The man’s shoulders drooped, triggering memories that were not Cloud’s. “I didn’t think… didn’t think it could happen so fast.”

Cloud watched him standing by the window, a rigid pillar of black in a patch of autumn sun. He had never seen a man look so utterly lost.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sephiroth managed to find something of a rhythm in the next few weeks. It was just like being General back in the old days. Do the work and don’t have a life. Well, perhaps it wasn’t just like being General. He actually knew what a life was now. He was not having much luck forgetting. But he was remarkably good at pretending, and if his feet dragged somewhat when he inspected the troops, if his voice occasionally shook, if he couldn’t eat the sad excuse for cherry pie the mess hall served up one day, no one mentioned a thing.

Vincent stopped by once but he did not have much to say. Yuffie, surprisingly, called a few times. Pregnancy did not agree with her, Sephiroth thought. Once or twice he spoke to Ella on the phone. Most nights when he called the phone just rang and rang. Otherwise, he had very little contact outside of work. It did not matter. He lived in the office now so life was all work. That was why he thought nothing of it when his latest secretary informed him that he had visitors. Always, always meetings. At least he made his office presentable in the mornings now.

Aeris was on his couch again, and Ella was in his chair, kicking his desk to launch herself into a series of spins. Sephiroth stubbed his toe on the door jamb as he went inside. “Aeris,” he said, “um, can I get you something?”

Aeris glanced at the bar. “No.” She looked around some more. “I see you cleaned up.”

Sephiroth nodded. “I kept misplacing things when I didn’t.” He went over to his desk, holding his arms out. Ella leapt into them as if none of the past month had happened. Her head settled into its customary place on his shoulder as if nothing had changed at all. He rubbed her back as he sat down, staring at her mother all the while. “How’s she been?”

Aeris sighed, leaning forward to ease off one shoe. “She’s a champ. Life as usual from the very next day.”

Ella fiddled with Sephiroth’s hair, unconcerned. “She doesn’t really understand, does she?”

“Who knows?” Aeris sat primly, even with bare feet, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Her wedding ring glinted against her dark grey dress. “Children are closer to the veil than the rest of us.” She turned her head to look at him then. He could barely meet her eyes. “I came to give you an invitation.”

Sephiroth was glad he was already sitting down. Something fluttered inside his chest but he did not trust it to be his heart. He barely had one after all, and without Aeris at his side it was good as gone.

“Next week makes it forty days,” Aeris said, looking straight ahead of her. “It’s when most souls are ready to move on. I’m going up there, to put a marker.”

Sephiroth blinked. Of course. His eyes roved to the cushion he used as a pillow now, and contemplated the long acquaintance he was going to keep having with it. “You picked one out already?” He had thought of polished marble or granite often enough in recent weeks. If this was one more thing he had no say in, he supposed it did not matter.

“Cherry,” Aeris said. “I’ll plant a cherry tree.”

Sephiroth blinked. He leaned over to hand Ella the stapler she was reaching for. “Plant?”

“Cetra custom,” Aeris said, and Sephiroth did not have to ask anything more about that. Aeris sighed deeply, wrapping her arms around herself. She was welcome to pull down the throw rug Sephiroth kept there and she knew it, but she did nothing. Sephiroth’s mind flitted unbidden to the last time she had been on that couch, how her tears had fallen burning hot on his chest in the end, how he had woken and found her gone. He stroked Ella’s bright hair and sighed.

“I got a copy of the report from the laboratory,” Aeris said, hunching forward, her head in her hands. “The final one.”

“Oh?” Sephiroth felt the weight inside him grow. The report could only be confirmation, after all.

“He didn’t have-,” Aeris began and choked and had to start over. “He didn’t have a few of my key genes.”

Sephiroth swiveled his chair back and forth, pretending to rock their daughter. “He wasn’t immune,” he said. Aeris nodded and closed her eyes, rocking herself so slightly. Sephiroth closed his eyes and wished for the ground to swallow him. What good, all this, if the very essence of what he was killed his children? “Ella….”

“She’s fine,” Aeris said. “Balanced.” Lucky.

Ella chose that moment to slip from Sephiroth’s lap. He let her go, almost afraid to touch her. She hummed a child’s tune to herself, chasing dust motes in the light. Sephiroth’s eyes went to the couch, where Aeris sat in the shadows, arms around herself. Her hair frayed out of its simple braid. He rose, wanting so badly to approach the couch but not sure if he should, or what he would do once he got there. He stopped at the coffee table and knelt beside it, eyes on Aeris all the while. He reached out, so close, fingers curling in the air the way they wanted to thread through her hair.

He set his hands back in his lap, sitting Wutai-style on the floor. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s my fault.” Aeris may have shaken her head at that, but it was probably wishful thinking.

She looked up at him then and her eyes were surprisingly dry. “I can’t feel him anymore,” she said, voice wavering but never, ever breaking. “I thought I did at the beginning, but he didn’t stay long. Not even forty days.”


	3. Chapter 3

He met them at the foot of the hill in the graveyard where the little plot lay. Aeris had brought the sapling, of course, and a watering can. Sephiroth had brought himself and a military issued shovel from supplies. Aeris shook her head when she saw it. "We do this with our hands," she said, leading the way up the hill.

The mounded earth had begun to sink, settling, and the grass around the edge was growing brown at the tips. This was a time for harvesting, not planting, but Sephiroth supposed for Cetra it made no difference. Aeris let go of Ella's hand and knelt on one side of the small grave. Sephiroth took his cue from her and knelt on the other, quietly bearing the cold that seeped from the earth to his knees.

There were no words, no magic, just planting. Aeris reached into the earth with her bare hands, curling and scooping dirt out from high point in the center. Sephiroth hesitated one moment before he joined her, scooping the earth away from the other side with his longer, larger fingers. The dark brown crust of dried earth on top gave way to rich, damp black, where a living thing could grow from what was left of the dead. Between them both, they made a furrow in the ground, deep enough for strong roots to set and for the little tree to grow straight and tall. Through it all, he stole glances at her, tracing the curve of her lips and the slant of her brow, setting them into memory.

She seemed subdued now, as if the fire that had burned him had burned itself out. He knew better than to trust that. But she seemed at peace in a way she only was when her hands were in the earth. He wished his own peace could come that easily. Cloud had offered him a match once or twice, but his heart had not been in it.

Aeris reached for the seedling, nearly a foot high already, but so very slender. "Will it take?" Sephiroth asked.

"Yuffie brought it over," Aeris said, which was not really an answer. "One of the Wutai varieties."

Sephiroth frowned. "Cherries in late summer then?"

Aeris's hands shook as she worked at the knot securing a small growth bag around the root end. "Eventually. It blooms in the spring. Not this spring, it'll be too young. But someday…." Her hands stilled. Her head bowed down. "I wanted to make sure he got his cherries." Sephiroth thought of discarded pie in the cafeteria.

"He asked for some," Aeris said, so quietly Sephiroth thought he had imagined it. "He was hungry and he kept asking for cherries. I had them all cut in half for him, with the pits out, but the doctors wouldn't let him eat anything. They were considering surgery and they wouldn't let him have any. He was so hungry." Her hair hung forward, hiding her face from view. A drop of water landed on her thumb but she brushed it off and went back to readying the little sapling without a word.

Sephiroth looked away, wondering what else he had missed in those last agonizing hours, what else Aeris had had to bear alone. If this was some sick punishment for all his past wrongs, it was doubly cruel to drag Aeris into it. He felt the cold weight inside him shift, resting ice-sharp edges against tender places. Aeris freed the little tree from its damp bag and held it in her lap a while. Sephiroth made a study of her downcast face, noting the distance in her eyes and wondering what she saw. She felt his eyes on her and returned to herself, glancing at him and just as quickly looking away. She threaded shaking fingers around the sapling and held it out to him across the valley they had made in their lost one's resting place. She did not have to say anything.

Sephiroth reached out, hands deceptively steady. His fingers brushed against hers as he shouldered his share. They set the sapling in the earth, mindful of its tender roots. Their hands kept brushing when the tree was in the ground, as they shored up the dark earth around it, and every touch was electrifying and precious because it could have been the last.

Sephiroth sat back on his heels when they had finished. Aeris had her eyes on the tree and her mind far away. Damp trails dried on her face. Sephiroth had been so intent on the planting that he had not let himself see the tears fall. He would have wanted to brush them away. She might not have wanted him to. Just as well. His hands were dirty anyway. "Is that it?"

"Almost," Aeris said. "Hold out your hands." Sephiroth obeyed wordlessly, eyes on her face, searching for the light glimmer of damp eyelashes. She reached for the watering can and poured a stream onto his hands. Water rained down between his fingers onto the dirt below, watering the sapling at the roots. Aeris set the can down and knelt over the small plant, whispering something to it that Sephiroth did not understand.

He swallowed and reached for the watering can. "My turn?" Aeris nodded, and he poured the water for her while Ella danced her little circles in the grass around them both, chasing something only she could see.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Aeris came back to the office with him. They made the long walk with the dirt on their trousers and dust of the grave still under their fingernails. Ella had wanted to be picked up, and she clung to Sephiroth's side the whole trip through the base. He pretended not to see the smiles and hopeful glances the soldiers sent their way. Everyone knew he was living in the office now but not even the brass would bring it up, under the circumstances.

Aeris made straight for the couch, sitting down in the fading light with her arms around herself as she stared at the floor. Her face was a mask. Sephiroth flipped on the light and wondered if he had any of that vodka left. "Can I get you anything?" he asked, settling Ella in his chair and pulling out the coloring books and crayons he kept stashed in the bottom drawer.

His wife looked up at him then, almost hopeful. "Tea, please?" He put the kettle on and set out clean china, rustling up the last of the lemon peel tea Aeris liked, and finding some instant hot chocolate for Ella. There was not much to say anymore, he supposed, leaning back on the counter while the kettle boiled. Aeris still wore her ring though, and maybe that meant something. He busied himself pouring and stirring, gave Ella her cup and a cookie besides. He handed the good teacup to Aeris and kept the old one with its familiar chip for himself. He sat beside her on the couch and tried not to think of the last time they had shared the space.

Steam swirled up from their mismatched cups, meeting in the middle in a way they themselves could not, not yet. Aeris thanked him quietly for the tea and they sipped together while Ella colored outside the lines and drew a blue chocobo on Sephiroth's desk. "Ella, don't," Aeris said.

"Don't worry about it," Sephiroth said. "It scrapes off better there than from the walls."

"It's not a good habit, though," Aeris said, curling her feet up under her.

"I suppose." Sephiroth finished his tea and contemplated another cup. "How's she been?"

Aeris shrugged, setting her own teacup down. "You saw. She was quiet until the funeral, and then it was like nothing had changed."

Sephiroth watched Ella rearrange his desk supplies into a defensive wall around her masterpiece. "Just like her father after all, eh? Completely heartless."

"She's not heartless," Aeris said, casting a brief glance in his direction. It did not have the fire he expected. "People come and people go at her stage. The world's still too new."

Sephiroth took that in. "She's turning four soon," he said, offering Aeris the cookie plate.

"Not for a couple of months." Aeris waved the plate away, looking like she couldn't bear the thought of food.

"Should I bake her cake as usual?" Sephiroth held on to hope.

The barest ghost of a smile reached Aeris's face. "I guess. She won't eat any other." Just as quickly, the smile was gone and something somber cast its shroud over her. "Sephiroth-."

"I'm sorry," Sephiroth blurted.

Aeris shook her head. "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I'm not the best father," he said, "I'm sorry I wasn't there." _I'm sorry I can't give you all the children you want. I'm sorry our children are so few and not strong._

"It wouldn't have made any difference," Aeris said, sinking back into the couch as if she could slip between the seams in the leather and utterly disappear. "And you're not a bad father." It seemed she could not look at him, so he did not look at her, to spare her the discomfort. When he next dared to look her way, she was sitting with eyes half-open, her body nearly abandoned as she was drawn into deep communion with the Planet.

Sephiroth sipped his tea, nibbled half-heartedly at a cookie and waited on the outside. There were parts of her he could never touch, places she went that he couldn't follow. Ella clambered down from the chair and came over to join him in staring at her mother. Sephiroth picked her up and settled her between them. "Don't disturb Mommy," he said. "She's listening to the Lifestream."

Ella frowned. "Is she looking for Eiran in there?"

Sephiroth blinked. It was something of a shock to hear the name now. He had avoided saying it, even thinking it, imbuing it with the kind of regard reserved for the sacred because it had to be true. His son had been part Cetra and so much like his mother. Aeris said she could not feel him anymore, that he had moved on early, but some part of him might still linger, beloved of the Planet. "Maybe."

Ella looked puzzled at the ways of grown-ups, but seemed to come to some sort of acceptance of their quirks. "Okay," she said, then stole the half-eaten cookie from Sephiroth's hand and skipped away.

"Hey!" Sephiroth said.

Aeris blinked, returning to herself. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Sephiroth said, tapping one foot. Ella grinned at him before ducking behind his desk to enjoy her loot. "Are you…?"

"I'm fine," Aeris said, rubbing her arms. She looked around, taking in the failing light outside. "It's getting late."

Sephiroth nodded, looking down at his feet. "Will you get home safely?"

"Of course," she said, rising from the couch. "Ella?"

"Whuf?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Sephiroth said half-heartedly, feeling something stir at the fact that there was still lightness in the world. "Time to go home."

"Okay." Ella popped back out and bounced to attention. "Are you coming too?"

Sephiroth choked, looking anywhere but at Aerith. She said nothing, but he noticed how she wrapped her arms around her middle. "We'll see, Ella," Aeris said. "Come on now." She looked up at Sephiroth as Ella dutifully took her hand. "Sephiroth…," she began. He hardly dared to look at her but when he did, he wanted to believe that there was a dimming of the rage that had lit her eyes for far too long.

"I'll… I'll call you when we get there," she said at last.

Sephiroth nodded, feeling suddenly as low as his shoes.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"This place is a dump," Admiral Haskell declared.

"I tidied," Sephiroth protested, feeling the censure that could only come from military types. Haskell had begun working her way up the chain of command in the Navy at a time when women didn't, and it showed.

"You got cookie crumbs on your rug there," she said, "and is that crayon all over your desk?"

"I'll have you know I like the chocobo," Sephiroth said, steepling his fingers. He had not moved the perimeter around it either, even if it had meant shifting his chair a bit to the right to get room to work.

Haskell sighed and grabbed a chair. "How are you doing, Sir? I mean, really."

Sephiroth maintained his rigid posture. "I'm fine." Haskell stared him down. Or tried to. Sephiroth was still the SOLDIER he had been raised to be, with too many years of command behind him to be stared down by some aging sailor, especially one as prickly as Haskell. She would break first, she always did. But she put up a good fight.

"It won't last forever."

Sephiroth sighed. "How do you know?" He wanted to turn his chair away from her, but he appreciated the effect of being backlit while his guests stared owlishly into the sun. He could observe without being so observed in return, and what he observed was that the steely-haired battleship was looking remarkably sympathetic. He would have almost called it a 'grandma face', but never out loud.

"A woman knows," Haskell said it with authority before her voice softened again. "Take it from another mother, at least. She won't shut you out forever."

Sephiroth sighed. "It's a little different, Virginia. Yours was grown when the war took him."

"Doesn't make much difference to a mother when it happens," Haskell said, "and spare me the rubbish about Stan doing all the work, it's old news." She shook her head. "I may not have been the kind of mother your Aeris is, but I know she can't stay mad at you forever. She loves you too much."

Sephiroth shored up the defenses around Ella's blue chocobo. "I don't know why everybody's so sure about that."

"Because it's obvious," Haskell said, discreetly refraining from pointing out how. "The whole base is rooting for you, you know. For the both of you. You'll get through this."

Sephiroth set his hands on his knees and resisted the urge to twitch his fingers to match what his toes were doing inside his boots. "I wish I could see how."

There was that 'grandma face' again. Haskell looked past Sephiroth, out into the blazing sunshine. "I know what got me and Stan through it. We still had our girls. We had good times to be grateful for with our boy, and we still had our girls. And each other."

Sephiroth made a small sound as he eyed the blue chocobo on his desk. He had an urge to pull the crayons out and fill in some of the gaps in the coloring.

"Come on, General," Haskell coaxed. "You know I'm right. You haven't given up hope."

Sephiroth tilted his head, maintaining his composure above the desk while his toes dug into the rug below. "What makes you think that?"

"You're still sleeping on your couch," Haskell said, jabbing her head at the furniture in question. "If you really had given up, you'd have requested quarters on base."

Sephiroth scowled and resolved to fluff his cushion better so no one else would be able to tell.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hi, Daddy!"

Sephiroth straightened up in his chair, knocking over a few pens. "Ella? Sweetie, what time is it? What are you doing on the phone so late?"

"Mom said I could call."

Sephiroth straightened some more. "She did? Did you want a bedtime story?"

"No, I'm not sleepy." Ella did in fact sound as perky as ever, possibly even more so for the thrill of being up past bedtime. Sephiroth smiled into his phone, one hand on his chest where a strange tightness grew.

"Is Mom there?"

There was a knock on his office door. It came through the office and through the phone. Sephiroth bounded over, managing not to stumble over his own sleep-addled feet. "Come inside. Gaia, what are you doing here this time of night?"

"It's not that late," Aeris said, "and I've been here at night before." She had, Sephiroth knew, but that had been years ago, before the children. Sephiroth felt a pang at the unbidden reminder that there were not children anymore. Ella shot past him, intent on digging out her crayons and finishing her still life in blue. Aeris settled herself in her usual spot on the couch and slid her shoes off her feet.

"Tea?" Sephiroth asked. "I don't have anymore of the lemon peel. Oolong? Or maybe coffee for the drive back."

Aeris shook her head. "Peppermint?" she asked, hopeful. Sephiroth nodded and went digging through his stash. He brought the cups over as soon as they were ready, before the tea had properly steeped.

"Is something wrong?" he asked. "Coming out all this way at this hour."

Aeris shook her head, arms around herself. "Nothing's wrong." She looked at Ella, busy improving her father's desk. She looked at the hot water, slowly turning greenish-brown at the bottom of pale china cups. "Seph."

"Yes?"

"I'm pregnant."

Sephiroth picked up his tea. "Ah."

"I just found out today," Aeris said. "I'd been wondering but I wasn't sure. All those false alarms we used to have, you know."

"Mmhmm," Sephiroth said.

"I was going to tell you tomorrow, but I couldn't sleep," Aeris was saying. "The doctor thinks I'm… It was that time after the funeral."

And the gears in Sephiroth's mind began to crank so hard that sparks flew. _The kid's fucked from the start_ and _You can't just replace a lost person_ and _What if this one's not immune either?_

The cold knot that had slowly been retracting its coils shot through Sephiroth again right down to his toes. The image of a sheet pulled over a small body flashed through his mind. He set his tea down and sloshed half of it onto the coffee table.

He looked around his office, feeling as if those four walls could not contain him. Something wanted to come bursting out from deep inside him. He was afraid it was a scream. Meanwhile, Ella colored and Aeris warmed her hands on a cup of weak tea.

Aeris, Aeris… she had come all this way to tell him because she felt he deserved to know. But what did she want to do? Raise her children alone? Would he visit? Would she visit? What if the child really wasn't immune. There had to be some way to tell before it got so bad, before the birth even. And if it wasn't immune, then what? Would Aeris want to cut her losses, minimize her grief? Or would she still try, stubborn, for the Planet's sake? And if she went through one more precious pregnancy for the sake of a child that could not live, could she handle it? Could he?

His toes began to tap inside his boots but he forced them still. He focused on his breathing, on his heart, and forced his insides to approximate his outside as much as he could. "What-" he began, but his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and his voice rumbled as if hoarse from sleep. "What do you want to do?"

Aeris kept her eyes down as she reached across the gap, setting her trembling fingers against his own. "I want to go home."


	4. Chapter 4

They went through the motions of a life together. He cooked dinner. She washed his shirts. He left for work in the morning. She taught Ella and tended her garden by day. They slept in the same bed at night but stayed on their own sides. The first night, after he had finally gotten Ella wound down and tucked into bed, he had come to the door and looked in, wondering if it would be an invasion of space. He was used to couches by then so it would have been no bother. But Aeris looked so confused, almost hurt, if he dared to call it that, when he asked permission to come in and get his pajamas. The way she shut the door behind him settled it. He spent the night on the very edge of the mattress watching her sleep, and it had been like that almost every night since.

The house was too quiet, almost noisy in its silence. Everywhere he looked there was a memory. Ghost images played before his eyes. Echoes with no source followed his steps. He would find himself just beginning to stoop when he came home from work, ready to scoop up a little boy who would no longer come toddling at him. Ella played by herself at his feet in the evenings, quieter at it for being by herself. She was learning to read now. Had learned actually. Learned as fast as he had. Now she sat on the floor with her storybooks, lips moving without a sound, still using a finger to track the words, while the building blocks and the puzzles she and her brother had played with together lay abandoned in their chest. She was adjusting well to being an only child again, Sephiroth thought, though the blue circles on the calendar reminded him that it was only temporary. Hopefully. Those blue circles would decide.

The weather went from brisk to crisp to cold. The flowers retreated into the earth. The grass died outright. Chilly as the mornings became, Sephiroth began to look forward to the snow, for anything that would cover the cracked and broken earth. The morning after Aeris's feet brushed up against his own in the bed, seeking warmth, she brought out the winter bedding, thick flannel sheets and a heavy down comforter. Sephiroth stifled his sigh and went back to longing after her form, still slender, wrapped in her blood red satin robe with the green fuzzy socks peeking out beneath. It was the kind of ensemble he would have playfully teased her about some other time, when volunteering to remove those socks would have done them both a world of good.

One night as he lay in his perpetual half-sleep, eyes not quite closed, mind not quite still, he saw her turning in her sleep. Tossing. Twitching. He closed his eyes against the sight. She moved in her sleep quite a bit these days. But then she always had said she slept better in his arms. He was considering for the millionth time the possibilities of reaching out when she began to speak. He thought she had woken but her eyes were still closed.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm sorry, baby. Mama's so sorry." Over and over she said it, till the whisper became a cry and tears ran down her sleeping face. Sephiroth lay frozen across a wide ravine. Then Aeris began to glow. Rivulets of her inborn grace, her own lifecurrent enhanced by the ties of her blood to the Planet streamed up under her skin in a familiar swirl, as if she were readying herself to cast. Tendrils of Lifestream enveloped her body, gathered for a storm.

"Aeris!" Sephiroth could not wait anymore. "Aeris, wake up!" He grabbed her shoulder and shook her. "You're dreaming, Aeris! Wake up!" It was nearly the longest half-second of Sephiroth's life. Aeris shot up under his grasp, blinking into the dark. The holy glow of Lifestream lifted away and dissipated. Sephiroth's hand trailed down her arm. "Are you okay? You were dreaming."

Aeris put a hand to her head and tried to catch her breath. She glanced at him once in the dark and burrowed her way slowly back under the covers. "I'm okay," she said. Her eyes peered out over the edge of the comforter. She looked younger than her years, hiding from her demons like a child in the dark. "Did I say anything?"

Sephiroth could tell that it meant a lot to her. "No. You were getting ready to cast though." There was no hiding that. She nodded at him and slid further under the covers. His hand was warm where it had touched her. "If you need anything, anything at all" he said, "I'm here."

"I know." Her voice bore the strain of a throat gone tight.

"I mean it," he said. "Pickles, chicken wings, exotic fruit, you know the drill."

She made a sound that could have been a laugh. "Thanks," she said, and was soon quiet again, falling into an uneasy sleep under his watchful, wondering eye.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He liked to think things had eased between them a bit. Routine was comforting. He slept on more than three inches of mattress. One of his favorite shirts returned to its position in his wardrobe, mud and grass stains laboriously removed. They sat in bed together at night, usually reading. Conversation was sparse and light and superficial, but it was closer to normal than they had been in weeks. Though their bedroom remained a strangely silent place, the cold outside grew stronger than the one inside and Sephiroth began to feel a little less like he was missing a part of his soul.

One night while they sat reading, Sephiroth heard a scuffle at the door. "Ella?" he called, feeling her mind lurking just outside their door. The handle turned violently and Ella stood in the doorway in her nightgown, hands on hips, glaring at the bed.

"You two are so NOISY!" she screamed and stormed off before anyone could stop her.

Sephiroth stared at the empty space in the hallway. "Um, I didn't say anything. Did you?"

Aeris looked just as stunned. "No."

"Then what was that about?"

Aeris shrugged. "She's your daughter," she said, picking up her place in her book again. "We have to expect things like that now and then."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sephiroth asked. Aeris wouldn't answer, hiding her mouth behind hardcovers, but he didn't mind. Somehow, he knew, he'd made her laugh.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The date in blue came around and he took the day off. There was little more than an ultrasound and the usual tests to be done at this point, though he was sure there would be more later. So much more. The air was cold and the sky was grey and Aeris took his hand as they walked up to the hospital doors. Sephiroth marveled at the feel of it, through his gloves and hers.

She led him through a detour he did not know, up the stairs in the back, away from the wards. He gathered from the dim light and the general state of disrepair that the general public was not meant to pass that way. Which left the question of who was responsible for all the cigarette butts on the floor, but he decided not to pry. When they entered the hospital proper again, they were on the third floor, Obstetrics and Gynecology, and Sephiroth knew why she had passed up the back way instead of risking the crowds of the elevator. The second floor was the pediatrics department. Sephiroth squeezed Aeris's hand in his and let her lead him to the clinic waiting room.

He kept his eyes where they needed to be, on his wife, on the receptionist's desk, on the paperwork. Looking around only encouraged the eyes that tended to fall on him, and there were plenty now, not nearly as surreptitious as their owners might have thought. But at least they felt sympathetic, he thought, under the curiosity that bordered on nosiness. It had made the news of course, their loss. This would make the news too.

Aeris busied herself with one of the old magazines and a large bottle of water while they waited. Sephiroth sat with fingers laced instead of arms crossed, deliberately trying to look less imposing, because it simply would not do to terrify a roomful of pregnant women. It was just like the other times. He supposed hospital waiting rooms never really changed. They smelled the same, sounded the same and but for a fresh coat of paint now and then, looked much the same all over. He thought of Aeris and the new little one and kept the rest of his medical memories at bay.

He pretended not to notice the eyes on him when 'Mrs. Sephiroth' got called in. He pretended that it all had nothing to do with him. Honestly, what could he do? Nobody was doing an ultrasound on his belly. Aeris and the ultrasonographer, a middle-aged woman ("Call me Mae") seemed acquainted, greeting each other warmly enough and content to simply acknowledge then ignore him. He held Aeris's hand as she exposed what needed exposing, bore the squeeze when she hissed at the cold jelly and tried to make sense of the grainy image on the screen.

He was not trained in the ways of reading these things, couldn't tell a heart wall from a womb unless he was told beforehand what he was looking at. But there were things this could see, warning signs it could pick up, before they resorted to the needles and the sampling and the tests and the violation that Aeris would willingly put up with if it meant making sure this one was healthy and strong. His heart began to pound and he could not hear a word Mae said. Aeris squeezed his hand, drawing his attention away from the screen. Her thumb caressed his fingers and though she looked away from the screen for only a moment, he saw that she knew exactly what he feared.

"Hey," Mae said. "Look at that."

"Look at what?" Sephiroth felt his heart leap into his throat, beating hard enough to stop his breath.

The little cursor moved on the screen. "There's just the one sac that I can see," Mae said, frowning at the screen, "which can get tricky sometimes, but there's one head… and there's definitely another."

"The baby has two heads?" Sephiroth was floored. Mae tittered, and to Sephiroth it felt like glass breaking. Aeris herself was smiling, mostly in her eyes, waiting for official word before it reached her lips.

"No, Sir," Mae said, grinning wide. "You're having twins." Sephiroth was glad he was already in a chair because it was the closest to blacking out he had come in recent life.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hey," Aeris said softly, pulling on her coat. "Are you okay?"

Sephiroth looked up. He had taken a seat in the common waiting area next to the elevators, almost out of sight beside a vending machine. He held the empty water bottle in loose hands, tapping its side in no particular rhythm to give his fingers something to do. "I'm fine," he said. "Surprised, but fine."

Aeris stood in front of him, fluffing her hair out from underneath her scarf. "I'm surprised too. But it's good, don't you think?" He turned tired eyes her way.

"Three pregnancies, three children?"

Aeris' face went ashen. "That's not what I meant." Sephiroth could have kicked himself.

"I know. I didn't either. I don't know. I'm sorry."

Aeris looked down at him, coat undone, scarf hanging, gloves in one hand. "I'm sorry too, Seph," she said, reaching with her empty hand to stroke his hair. "About everything."

His eyes fluttered shut at that touch, his entire world shrinking for a moment to lithe fingers brushing against his scalp. He reached up and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close so he could rest a cheek on her stomach. The soft warmth of her pressed against his face. He could feel the swell of her breasts moving as she breathed. He would have stayed there all day, to hell with being seen, but Aeris set her hands on his shoulders and pushed him away.

"I have to pee," she said, looking at the empty bottle Sephiroth had set down beside him.

"Ah, yes," he said, rising. "It begins again." He dared to swoop down and kiss her forehead. "I might go down to the cafeteria and get us some tea in the meantime. Want anything else?" Aeris wrinkled her nose at the thought.

"Grape juice, please? The tea here is too strong. And a cheese pie! They make nice ones here," she said. "Meet you back here?" Her smile was real as she turned to go, reaching both eyes and mouth. It did not hit him until the elevator how she knew so much about the cafeteria food.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The white-haired gentleman who embarked from the second floor looked familiar. He made a start at seeing Sephiroth that was more than the usual kind. "General Sephiroth?" he asked.

Sephiroth looked closer. "Doctor… Knutty, was it?"Knutty, Alfred P. according to his hospital ID badge.

Knutty gave him a wry laugh. "Yeah, should have just gone into psychiatry, eh? But I didn't think I could take all the jokes." He sobered. "How's your wife?"

"She's fine," Sephiroth said. "Pregnant." It was probably hitting the social networks already anyway.

"Really! Congratulations!" The doctor made to offer a congratulatory handshake. Sephiroth only missed half a beat before he took it. The doctor looked like he understood. "Having a full panel of tests done, I take it."

"It was just the preliminary ultrasound today," Sephiroth said, exiting on the ground floor. The doctor followed, more of out coincidence than design.

He got in line behind Sephiroth and ordered the biggest coffee the place offered. "Ring his tab up with mine, Jerry," he said to the cashier, although Sephiroth already had his wallet out.

"That's not necessary," Sephiroth began.

"You can still pay your share," Knutty assured him, "but I can get you the staff discount." Sephiroth acquiesced silently, knowing that he would have to make up the deficit anyway. It began at the creamer counter, while the doctor sugared his coffee to sludge to make it palatable. "This stuff will kill me one day," he muttered. Sephiroth made the sound he had learned to make because it could be interpreted any number of ways, agreement being one of them.

"I don't mean to intrude," Dr. Knutty said as they walked away, Sephiroth shortening his stride to match the other man's. "I know it's no business of ours anymore, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry we couldn't save your boy."

"You did your best," Sephiroth said, because it was the proper thing to say. His tea was too hot for sipping but he drank anyway, relishing the momentary burn on his tongue.

"And it wasn't good enough." Knutty sipped his clouded brew. "It happens," he said, staring into his cup. "We can't save them all, that's what we keep telling ourselves."

"Doesn't stop you from trying, though," Sephiroth said, attempting to sound appreciative of what he was sure were as much legal requirements as medical procedure.

"We didn't try half as hard as your wife. She's a tough woman," Dr. Knutty said, eyebrows up over his glasses, hand rubbing his neck. He stepped in closer, almost an invasion of personal space. The scent of his coffee mingled with a faint trace of nicotine. Sephiroth edged back but bent his head to hear. "Now, I don't want to pry," the doctor was saying, "but she's a little… like you, in some respects?"

Sephiroth shook his head, mentally stamping and trampling on the suggestion. "She has strong healing affinity."

"Strong grip too." Knutty stepped back and sipped again.

"Grip?" It was Sephiroth's turn to arch one eyebrow.

"Yeah, she tried to throttle me when I made the call," Knutty said, swirling his coffee. "Oh, don't worry about it," he said, spotting Sephiroth's appalled expression. "She's not even the first, lots of people react strongly in the department when it happens. Dying children, you know, especially when they're in pain…" He sighed and stared into his coffee. "She really gave it her all though, even after I called it. I thought it was restore materia at first, don't see too many people walking around with those anymore. But I know regular materia flares. I was a field medic during the war." He raised his eyebrows at Sephiroth, who nodded once, only to encourage the man to find out how much he had seen.

"She kept casting and casting, over and over. It was like the Lifestream itself was rising up around her." Nutty sighed, shaking his head. "Thought she would collapse, the way she was going at it. She hadn't slept the whole time she was here." Knutty rubbed his neck and waited till the elevator doors closed on them again before he said anything more. "We never had access to the fused stuff back in the day. Didn't know anybody was still making it. I guess if even military grade materia couldn't do anything, there wasn't much else to be done. I'm sorry."

Sephiroth sipped his tea, masking a smile of relief with the cup. "I trust you'll be discreet about what you've seen."

"Oh, of course! Doctor/Patient confidentiality. And if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion…"

"Yes?"

"I know the Military Base doesn't exactly handle a wealth of pediatrics, but given your… makeup, maybe you can get your own health personnel to see to your children now and then? They're probably more familiar with certain things."

Sephiroth frowned, careful to turn his face away from the man so as not to be too intimidating. The idea had some merit. He avoided the medical wing like the plague but there was that doctor Aeris was on good terms with there, the one who had delivered Ella. The genotyping had been done in the MilSci labs, under strict protocol and secrecy. Any samples taken at the hospital would be forwarded there for actual analysis too. "I'll take it under consideration."

Knutty raised his coffee cup in salutation and bid Sephiroth a good day. Sephiroth rode up to his floor alone, tea and bagged pie in one hand, bottle of grape juice dripping condensation onto the floor. Oh well. If anyone slipped they were already in the right place. Aeris was waiting for him by the vending machine, all dressed and ready to walk.

"Long line?" she asked, taking her juice. She rose so easily despite bulk of her coat. She was barely showing yet, though with twins Sephiroth was sure it wouldn't take much longer. He thought of that perfect body, heavy with his children, stripped and scrutinized down in the labs to satisfy curiosity. Tea spilled from his cup as his fingers tightened.

"I met that doctor on the way," he said, ignoring the burn. "Knutty."

"Oh." Aeris' eyes widened. "Oh!" She nibbled at her lower lip, brows furrowing, and Sephiroth knew she was contemplating that viciousness, that beautiful raw fury that was as much a part of her as her green eyes and the glowing life currents that swirled beneath her skin.

He put an arm around her shoulder and steered her to the stairs. "His neck looked fine."


	5. Chapter 5

Whenever the phone rang early in the morning, Sephiroth answered the call. Only the base would ever need to ring the house while he was in the middle of frying tomatoes for the breakfast plates. Usually. "Good evening, have I reached the residence of Commander Sephiroth and family?" began a terribly tired voice. "Wait, hold on, it's morning for you, isn't it?"

Sephiroth looked around. "Yes. Takeda-san?" Ella was sipping her chocolate milk and waiting patiently for her eggs. Aeris came around the corner, just as he considered calling for her. She caught him looking at her. 'Takeda,' he mouthed at her and marveled at the spark that came to her eyes. She was growing radiant again. "I'll put you on speaker phone," he said, hitting the button and running back to his frying pan.

"Good morning, Mrs. Sephiroth," Takeda said.

"Good evening, Yuki," Aeris said, holding on to Ella and smiling. "You don't have to be so formal."

"Yes, I do," Yuki said, sighing. "Protocol, you know. They're still making me read it off a handwritten scroll." He cleared his throat. "I am pleased to announce that Her Imperial Grace, Princess Yuffie of the House Kisaragi was this evening delivered of a boy, fourth in line for the throne of Wutai. May the sun never set on our glorious nation. Uh… yada yada, the usual stuff about illustrious lineage and all that junk. You've heard it before. Uh, the royal chancellor's looking really appalled at me right now."

Aeris laughed. Sephiroth closed his eyes, reveling in the sound. "How many times have you read it now?" he asked.

"You guys are number twenty-eight. Sorry, all the noble houses of Wutai get priority and then I just dial randomly from there. The fancy written version will be in the mail."

"How are you holding up?" Aeris asked, resting her cheek against Ella's bright head. "Did she throw anything at you this time?"

"No," Yuki said. "Threatened to alter my anatomy as usual, but I figure if she hasn't done it by round three, it's not going to happen."

Aeris laughed again, and Ella laughed too, though Sephiroth was sure it was just to keep her mother company. "We'll let you get back to duty then. Try to get some rest, okay?"

"I'll try."

Sephiroth fixed the plates, setting the extras in a serving dish in case Aeris wanted more. He set a little plate with a puppy pattern on it in front of Ella and watched her eat while Aeris wrapped up the call. "You didn't want to tell him?" He didn't have to say what.

"Let's not steal their moment," Aeris said, savoring a mushroom between her lips. "We have time."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They made the announcement at Ella's birthday party, after the song had been sung and the presents opened and Sephiroth's special chocolate cake was making its second round. Everyone had come despite the midwinter chill, a gesture of solidarity after their last somber gathering. Ella herself was too busy with presents to care about having any moment stolen. Tifa and Yuffie hustled Aeris off to a corner for some girl talk. There was some squealing involved. Sephiroth didn't want to know.

He slipped through the living room, past Vincent trying to stay unnoticed in the corner, past Barret and Cid devouring cake like nobody's business, past the latest scion of Wutai's Imperial line spitting up on Tuesti. Cloud joined him in the kitchen.

"Refill?" Sephiroth offered, holding up the fruit punch Aeris could not get enough of these days.

"Please," Cloud said, holding out his glass. "So, twins."

Sephiroth nodded, eyes on the stream as he poured. "Surprised me too." He had not even heard them, so content were they with each other's company. Ella was proving the exception, the only one had reached out searching for him from within the womb.

"Aeris looks happy."

Sephiroth made his little sound again, but he knew Cloud would have understood him without it. Cloud went over the the fridge where the printout of the ultrasound was stuck. He squinted at the black and grey blur, maybe slightly better at interpreting it for his experience. "Looks kinda big. Just going by the measurements on the side there."

Sephiroth walked over to stare at the picture in question. "She's about three months along."

"Three-" Cloud turned. "Three months? That long?"

"Yes," Sephiroth said carefully. "What's so surprising about that?"

Cloud shrugged. "I just thought, you know, seeing as she threw you out for a while, it was a little more recent than that. Hmm, makes some sense though. Pregnancy hormones can do a lot to people."

"She wasn't pregnant when she tossed me out," Sephiroth said, realizing the angle his words opened up only after the fact. Just as he feared, Cloud's face got that perplexed expression that said he was trying and failing to line up all the obvious facts.

"Then…"

Sephiroth let go, hung for a lamb as he was already. "She came to the office and had her way with me."

"Aw, oh, God! I did not need to hear that. What is wrong with you?" Cloud spun on his heel and went to toss his glass in the sink.

"You wouldn't let it go. You could have just dropped it."

"You didn't have to bring it up!" Cloud held onto his head in both hands. "Seriously, you bastard."

There was a part of Sephiroth that never tired of watching people squirm, a part just shy of the raw sadism he was capable of. The part that loved playing with Cloud, to be honest. That part was really happy right now. It had been so long. He tried not to smirk. The ladies came to the kitchen door.

"Everything okay, boys?" Tifa asked.

Cloud braced himself on the kitchen island. "Everything's fine," he said. "Just business as usual."

Sephiroth shrugged when Aeris looked his way. "You heard the man."

"Alright," Aeris said dubiously. The tilt in her brow let Sephiroth know she was keeping an eye on them. He smiled back, just a little turn in the corner of his mouth, to let her know he liked that. He liked that a lot.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The snows left, the ice thawed and while new leaves sprouted, fresh green and tender above their heads, the earth at their feet turned to mud. "Ella, don't splash," Aeris called out. "You'll get mud all over your dress." She wriggled her way out of the car, one hand pressing the small of her back and another supporting her rounding middle.

"Everything okay?" Sephiroth asked, coming around.

Aeris looked up at him and smiled through the discomfort. "Just the normal tension on the ligaments." As usual, she was sailing through the pregnancy, built for breeding. Sephiroth felt a pang of regret that their bloodlines were so opposed. She would never have all the Cetra children she desired as long as she was set on him as the father. But the test results were good this time, he assured himself, watching Aeris make her way up the hill. Everything would be fine.

He walked behind Aeris to catch her in case she should slip on the wet earth. She waddled, there was no other word for it. The two little boys inside her were growing well for having to share the space, with no sign of one leaching off the other, as sometimes happened with twins. Sephiroth kept his eyes on her as they neared the hilltop. Ella had already arrived there ahead of them.

Sephiroth thought he was ready. He thought he had put it all behind him. But while Aeris smiled and cried out with joy about how tall their little sapling had grown, he felt the old coldness inside him extending its winter chill. No. No, it wasn't fair. Aeris marveled at the new branches, soft and supple with leaves of translucent green, while Sephiroth's heart thudded like a trapped animal inside the prison of his body.

"It's growing so well," Aeris was saying, fingers ghosting along the tips of tender leaves. Sephiroth nodded, feeling the cold sink into him in all the places that had grown used to being warm again and it hurt, hurt so much he did not think he could keep standing. "Look at the new leaves!" Aeris was saying. "It's almost as tall as I am already."

Yes, Sephiroth agreed, it was growing well, growing out of the blood and bones of his little boy and getting two more back didn't make up for losing the one, especially when it had involved so much pain and all that suffering. Then he did fall, knees hitting the dirt and sinking in with the weight of him while Aeris cried out and Ella stopped spinning in the grass all around them.

"Seph, what's wrong?" Aeris knelt beside him, as close as she could with her belly in between. She took his face in both hands and turned his head to meet her eyes. "Seph, talk to me."

His mouth was moving but what came out was only a sound, a cry. His eyes burned but while Aeris held his head he didn't dare pull away, not in her condition. He saw Ella come up behind Aeris, standing directly on her little brother's resting place, holding on to the tree whose roots reached down to where his little heart had been.

Sephiroth reached one hand out to the grave and fell forward, fingers clawing in the dirt. He could feel Aeris's warmth against his side, her arms draping around his back. Ella bent down, curious. "Daddy, what's wrong?"

"Your brother," he choked out, "your baby brother. He went away."

Ella blinked and stood again, one hand gripping the young tree for balance. "Not far," she said.

"Oh, Seph," Aeris cried, arms encircling him. "Sweetheart, it's okay, it's okay." She held him as close as she was able, between her belly and his heaving shoulders, rocking him back and forth. "Nothing ends, you know that. It's okay. The Planet sent him on."

"How do you know?" Sephiroth's breath began to hitch and there was a terrible pain spreading out from his throat.

"It's just the way it is, Seph. Gaia says he's okay. I wish you could feel it."

"I… I…" His face crumpled and his curled into a ball on the ground. "It was such a short life."

"Seph…" Aeris draped herself over his back, "He was loved. He is loved. That's all any life needs."

"But I wasn't ready to say goodbye." The words escaped in a hoarse whisper.

"Then say 'goodbye' now," Aeris said, feeling tears well up in her own eyes. "Let it out. You'll feel better."

Sephiroth slumped his head into her lap. There was movement inside her, pressing against him. "Did you let it out?"

"Of course I did, love, all at the beginning, remember?" She stroked his smooth cheek, while Ella stepped forward to pat her father's bright silver hair. "Don't hold back, Seph," Aeris said. "Just let it go."

So Sephiroth put his arms around his family and curled his spine until he was a heap on the ground the way he had been wanting to do since the funeral and nearly every moment since, and cried and cried until the stars came out to light the way home.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"And we're all done here," Dr. Delano announced. "Good job, Aer. You too, General." Sephiroth nodded weakly, not ready to let go of Aeris's hand just yet. A few stray hairs escaped his cap, sticking to his dampened skin.

"Go check on them," Aeris said, giving him a little shove. "Bring them over."

Sephiroth stumbled over to the warming bed where their newborns lay. "Hmm," he began, wondering if it was okay to take the face mask off yet. "Which twin is which?"

Dr. Delano pointed at the one putting up the bigger fuss. "In the business we call the first one Twin A. Twin B came in a few ounces lighter but there's nothing wrong with that. Go on, wheel them over. I'll bring Big Sis in to meet them."

Sephiroth paid careful attention to his feet, to the smoothness of the floor, and rolled the walled cot over to Aeris's side. "Here they are," he said. "Ready to hold them?"

"One at a time," Aeris said. "I'm going to have to get used to this."

"Me too." Sephiroth hovered over the bed, pondering which twin was which again. Twin A's face was crumpling, fixing to wail, little feet kicking out of the blanket he had been wrapped in. Sephiroth grasped one foot, noting the tag there that Aeris had filled out beforehand. As usual, she had put down something convoluted and Cetran for him to try to make sense of, or at least shrink into a decent nickname. "Hmm… Ari?" he asked. Aeris nodded, holding her arms out for her new middle child.

Twin B was quiet, eyes closed, contentedly yawning. Sephiroth parted the blanket just enough to get a look at the tag. "Rei," he said, tucking the blanket back into place, hoping the names caught on. Growing up 'Sephiroth' had been problematic enough.

"Here's Big Sister," the doctor announced as Ella came running up. She climbed up into Sephiroth's lap, claiming her firstborn rights. Sephiroth laughed against her bright hair, scooping her up for the introductions.

"Here's little Ari," he said, turning to Aeris, who had hushed the boy quite effectively by nursing him.

"Noisy baby," Ella said, wrinkling up her nose.

"And this is Rei," Sephiroth said, leaning over the bed for Ella to get a closer look. Rei opened his eyes, staring straight at his big sister.

"Hm," Ella said, looking quite pleased.


	6. Chapter 6

It had become a family tradition, the drive to see the cherry tree. They went every spring, leaving any summer cherries for unfortunate mourners, or the birds. The tree was still young but it had begun flowering early, in its third year in fact, and the blooms had grown thicker each time in the four years since. It towered over their heads, raining petals down on them from the clouds of blossoms above.

Sephiroth and Aeris made their way up the hill, hand in hand, with the children trailing dutifully behind them. Mostly. "Ari," Sephiroth called. "Stop jumping on people's tombstones!"

"Why?" Ari said, landing with precision on a particularly fine black marble slab. "They're dead. What are they going to do?"

"They'll reach up, grab your foot and drag you under, that's what they'll do," Sephiroth snapped.

Ari promptly missed his next target to land rump first in the dirt. "No way!" he shouted.

"Yes way!" Sephiroth said, supporting Aeris as she tried not to laugh too loud. "Now stop disturbing the dead and get over here."

Ari groaned. "Why do we even have to keep coming here?" he whined. "It's not like we bring flowers or anything. We're watering a tree. Why do we need to water a tree? Doesn't it rain here?"

"Boy, stop making me repeat myself and get over here," Sephiroth said, tired of talking.

Ella hid a smirk behind her gaming tablet. Beside her, Rei tugged at her sleeve. She slipped the gametab into a coat pocket to take his hand and watched as their parents approached the tree. Their mother was all smiles, marveling at the new growth the last year had brought, the girth of the trunk and the height of the topmost branches. Their father was not inclined to the same kind of bubbliness. The gloved hand he pressed against the trunk always carried with it a sensation of reverance, but in his own way he was just as happy.

"Ella," Rei said, "how come we keep coming here?"

Ella shrugged. "Dad thinks you're still down there."

"Oh." Rei frowned, staring at the pair on top of the hill. "Should I tell him?"

Ella shook her head. "He'll figure it out when he's ready to understand." She held on tighter, watching carefully for the moment that rare spark of old memory in her brother's eyes was subsumed by the present. "Come on, let's go."

"Okay!" Rei said. Ella was not sure he even knew what he was agreeing with. She let him pull her along to join the rest of their family, under the blooming tree.


End file.
